If you could only be here

Dear Husband,

When thinking about heaven I imagine this awesome place where everything is perfect and where everything you ever wanted or needed is available to you.  I am thinking...maybe you have access to a celestial technology and are able to see this blog.  That make me think that I can communicate with you, maybe you do read this blog, maybe you really know how we are doing, I hope so, I really do. I wanted to tell you that your son had his first ever soccer game, it was really hard to be there without you, I wished I could see your face when his team won 12-1...if you could only be there. Everyday is a struggle, I know you'll wanted me to go on with my life, but I can't.  I miss you, I am hurting deeply, I am sorry if I'm letting you down, but this is too hard.  I promise I'm going to try harder and I promise I'll never forget about you.  I love you.

I miss you

 I can't think about anything else today but how much I miss you...Its pain what I feel in my heart deep, deep pain.  How can I live without you, I don't know, everyday I struggle thinking in all the things that we used to do together, a day like today...we should be here at home enjoying our kids together, we should be enjoying the snow, the fireplace.  I miss you!!! I need you!!! I want you here!!! I want you back, so bad, I know all the people the love you would trade anything to bring you back, so do I.  Acceptance...not yet, I don't know where or how, I guess someday I will have no other choice but to let you go, but for now, I am here grieving and missing you everyday even more.  I love you chancho.

in silence

i miss you in silence, i hurt over your death in silence, i think about you in silence, i love you in silence. i dont know how else to do it but to do it in silence. to vocalize it is too much for me right now - guess im just not there yet. perhaps one day i'll be able to say how deep all this has hurt me.

its still hard to believe that you are gone from this earth. i wish it wasnt true but it is and i must come to terms with it.

despite my pain and sorrow i remember you always - you are forever in my heart vibrant as ever!

loving you always!

chavalo feo!!

Daddy is always in my heart

That is what your son told me tonight before falling sleep . He said that you even go to school with him and I told him yes, you are with us. We know you are watching over us, we know how much you love and care about us, even from Heaven.  We think about you every day, every hour, every minute and we wonder how are you doing.  Our faith tell us that you are in an awesome place, with no pain or tribulations, you are happy now at Jesus' side.  The only hope we have left is to know that some day we are going to be together, I know we'll see you again!!  We love you and miss you with all our heart.  Good night my love...

Te extrano

Varito, i miss you so much!!
I can't still believe that you are gone forever...I still think that I will see you again in this earth.....it is a new year and life is not the same without you.....we had our first holidays without you and they were hard to experience......we miss you so much....
We all think about you all the time and which that you were here to share our life's together....we were supposed to grow all old together. But today I cry for your premature departure, but I rejoice in the hope that I will see you again in the presence of our heavenly Father, who is faithful and true.
Be sure that your memory will live in us forever.
your sister that will always love you!!!!

Seasons change, time flies, people move on...new year, new plans, new dreams, the world never stops, but I did. I am so scare of believing that is true, that you are no coming back for real. Tears stream down my face when I think about it, when something inside of me keeps telling me you are gone forever, please!!! God help me understand this...so hard... so unreal.  Our lives have change forever with your departure, not in my wildest dreams  I could ever imagine about you living this earth so soon, I miss you baby...your kids miss you too.