I MISS YOU SOOOOO MUCH!

Varo, today is six months that you felt us. Today is the day that you meet our heavelnly father....I miss you so much.......my heart is in so much pain and I want to see you and hug you again. I love you so much, it breaks my heart to read all that is in this blog.
On valentines I cried so much because I remember how romantic your were and how much you loved Gina and the kids.
We all are in pain, we all miss you so much.

Harold, Olguita and myself are going to visit our parents soon and is going and we are going to be incomplete because you are not going to be with us.......I don't know how are we going to be able to resit this, because our family is not complete without you. We are going to miss you so much!! My boys are allways sending you kisses and I look at your pictures and you look so alive that is almost impossible to think that you are not alive any more.

Te amo siempre
tu chancha murruca dedos chatos

I MISS YOU SOOOOO MUCH!

Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now

That you would have reach down

And wipe our tears away

Stepped in and save the day

But once again, I say "Amen"

And it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper

through the rain

"I'm with you"

and as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise 

the God the gives

And takes away

I'll will praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

for You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I'll praise you in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You herd my cry

You raise me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on 

If I can't find You

As the thunder roll

I barely hear the whisper 

through the rain

"I am with you"

and as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and

praise the God that gives

and takes away

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in your hand

You never left my side

and though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes into the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The maker of Heaven and Earth

I lift my eyes into the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The maker of Heaven and Earth

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift  my hands

For You are Who you are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is thorn

I will praise You in this storm

And though my heart is torn

I'll praise You in this storm

You praised Him in the storm

There so much to say about you Alvaro because you were an amazing human being, but if I have to highlight the most defining quality in your life it will be the love you HAVE for our Lord Jesus.   You were faithful to Him on this Earth and you always tried to do what He asked you to do.  Your greater desire was to be Holly and gospel music helped you leave all your obstacles behind.  You did it, your heart BELONG completely to God, that's way you are today enjoying His presence.  You loved Casting Crown so much and one of your favorite songs was "Praise You in This Storm" and today when I heard the song in the radio I broke into tears because I recalled how much this song helped you during tough times.  I am here,  trying to make sense  of  all this now and I am  having a hard time, but I know God is with me and  this song reminded me that I have to live like you did if  I want to go where you are,  in Our Father's Home. 

Heavenly Father! I praise you in this, the greatest storm of my life...

If you could only be here

Dear Husband,

When thinking about heaven I imagine this awesome place where everything is perfect and where everything you ever wanted or needed is available to you.  I am thinking...maybe you have access to a celestial technology and are able to see this blog.  That make me think that I can communicate with you, maybe you do read this blog, maybe you really know how we are doing, I hope so, I really do. I wanted to tell you that your son had his first ever soccer game, it was really hard to be there without you, I wished I could see your face when his team won 12-1...if you could only be there. Everyday is a struggle, I know you'll wanted me to go on with my life, but I can't.  I miss you, I am hurting deeply, I am sorry if I'm letting you down, but this is too hard.  I promise I'm going to try harder and I promise I'll never forget about you.  I love you.

I miss you

 I can't think about anything else today but how much I miss you...Its pain what I feel in my heart deep, deep pain.  How can I live without you, I don't know, everyday I struggle thinking in all the things that we used to do together, a day like today...we should be here at home enjoying our kids together, we should be enjoying the snow, the fireplace.  I miss you!!! I need you!!! I want you here!!! I want you back, so bad, I know all the people the love you would trade anything to bring you back, so do I.  Acceptance...not yet, I don't know where or how, I guess someday I will have no other choice but to let you go, but for now, I am here grieving and missing you everyday even more.  I love you chancho.

in silence

i miss you in silence, i hurt over your death in silence, i think about you in silence, i love you in silence. i dont know how else to do it but to do it in silence. to vocalize it is too much for me right now - guess im just not there yet. perhaps one day i'll be able to say how deep all this has hurt me.

its still hard to believe that you are gone from this earth. i wish it wasnt true but it is and i must come to terms with it.

despite my pain and sorrow i remember you always - you are forever in my heart vibrant as ever!

loving you always!

chavalo feo!!